Latest video from "PoetHeadsUp."
No. I haven't gone insane.
(not yet, anyway)
`x~adam.
P.S. > My little stick on Long Island is coming undone. I apologize for not being completely "here"...My Visiting hours (making the blog 'rounds) is a crap-shoot lately.So goes Exhaustion. Take care of yourselves & others. xo,adam
P.S.s. : I'm just going to keep adding to this. I gotta say, to anyone still reading here. Hold on..hold the fuck on. You ain't seen Nothing yet. I'm fucked up..truly, fucked up, headwise.
Truth.
:(
January 27, 2009
January 23, 2009
I can play around, and laugh, all I want.
The feeble-minded will still be taken advantage of.
The middle class will still be impelled to look downward,
Angel.
The boxcar will only be a memory,
fading in the distance.
The peddler will forever be knocking on the backdoor.
Someday, my princess will come.
I can play around, and laugh, all I want.
All I need is more
important.
In between trains,
my sight transcends clarity.
The stiff-fingered boy
writes incessantly
about life.
The old man shakes his head
in wonder.
The thought moves on,
as a ticket is punched.
**
I can play around, and laugh,
all I want.
**
~x~adam. (posted @vice&verses)copyright 2009.
The middle class will still be impelled to look downward,
Angel.
The boxcar will only be a memory,
fading in the distance.
The peddler will forever be knocking on the backdoor.
Someday, my princess will come.
I can play around, and laugh, all I want.
All I need is more
important.
In between trains,
my sight transcends clarity.
The stiff-fingered boy
writes incessantly
about life.
The old man shakes his head
in wonder.
The thought moves on,
as a ticket is punched.
**
I can play around, and laugh,
all I want.
**
~x~adam. (posted @vice&verses)copyright 2009.
January 22, 2009
Where Ya Goin'?
- I'm in a really scattered mood. In every word,
- my dear, you'll find a blessing
- or, a curse.
- Don't step on my tie,
- break my session
- with passion,
- or,
- ride the train with strangers.
- If you happen to catch me talking to myself,
- pat me on the back,
- smile,
- and say,
- Where ya goin??
- **
- (These days, it's the only relevant question.)
January 20, 2009
With Humor & Grace, We Begin:
"I'm a Lefty...Get Used To It."
~President Obama.
You could not find a better example of "Don't Box me in."
You gotta give it to him.
**
Change cannot occur without this. The Future, the Youth of our Country, has spoken.
Let them have the credit, and the Future they deserve.
**
I love The USA & the World.
Yes WE can. Believe it. A Call to Service: NATIONALLY.
**
Onward, within the Last word..for Politics.
~x~adam#2 and a half.
~President Obama.
You could not find a better example of "Don't Box me in."
You gotta give it to him.
**
Change cannot occur without this. The Future, the Youth of our Country, has spoken.
Let them have the credit, and the Future they deserve.
**
I love The USA & the World.
Yes WE can. Believe it. A Call to Service: NATIONALLY.
**
Onward, within the Last word..for Politics.
~x~adam#2 and a half.
There are...
...no last posts.
You'll see whatever you want to see.
The world, never as bright as it is today.
One small bit of Change,
and We're free.
Take this moment into your heart;
let it breathe for all.
I gather the silent bitterness
brewing in my enemy's heart;
recognizing each potion,
a puzzle,
a call,
a child in the woods.
There are no last posts,
to blur my forward motion.
~x~adam. 01/19/09 ~~for MLKing & President Obama
EDIT: 1/20/09~2:14AM
You'll see whatever you want to see.
The world, never as bright as it is today.
One small bit of Change,
and We're free.
Take this moment into your heart;
let it breathe for all.
I gather the silent bitterness
brewing in my enemy's heart;
recognizing each potion,
a puzzle,
a call,
a child in the woods.
There are no last posts,
to blur my forward motion.
~x~adam. 01/19/09 ~~for MLKing & President Obama
EDIT: 1/20/09~2:14AM
January 19, 2009
Exactly...Still feel the same way, damnit!
(Posted this @ShortbusNormal Videos [2007-2008])...desperate, for change.
`x~adam.
Ps: There is a feeling growing within me. I don't know who reads me any longer. I've probably turned off more than a few people for not being "sexy" enough. Too bad, I say. The real deal is flying forward.
My brother-in-law is hospitalized. My Sister is gearing up for Divorce Court. My father is fuming in anger, loss, rage, and a collection of "false memories"...The hurt is endless, effecting all in my family. My mother, God rest her soul, is looking upon us with sorrowful eyes.
I don't care anymore, if I'm "sexy" or not. I want to live, like anyone else; someone who counts, no matter what...no matter where...no matter when.
"Sexy" is only half of it..if that.
If that.
~x~adam 01/19/09~12:55AM
January 16, 2009
January 14, 2009
I've Reached That point:
In the grand scheme of things it may be a small thing:Everyone, at some point, reaches that point where they question their worth, their value, in the eyes of others. We look for validation; for a sense we actually mean something to another.
I've lived with the word, "IDIOT" ringing in my ears. In a moment, those I love have hurt me more than any "school-yard bully."
I'm stealing from Maya Angelou [sic]: I know why the caged bird
sings.
I may be the reincarnation of Abe Lincoln [born on his birthday & holding on, w/ my humor & Marfan's] I'm wearing his "Death-mask," today. The Civil WAR in our HOUSE is nearing its breaking point.
I want to get off the train.
This "idiot" has reached the end of the line.
I've reached that point in Time.
The voice says: "You're not of value."
"You're an idiot" (useless)
I've taken in the sickness of my father....
...I'm throwing up.
He faces me towards the mirror...Idiot, Idiot, Idiot, Idiot, Idiot.
**
I jump & run for the hills....
**
No longer useless; although, GONE.
~x~adam.
January 12, 2009
January 11, 2009
There's nothing sappy about this. It's still a beautiful song..:
It's your life..Never surrender.
You raise me up - Westlife - MyVideo
You raise me up - Westlife - MyVideo
January 10, 2009
Sugasm # 156: Goodnight, Sweet ..sweet.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #157? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.
This Week’s Picks
Mouth Music
“Can you feel the heat of my lips taunting you yet?”
4 a.m.
“My mouth craves skin and I dip my head to her shoulder.”
Wanting
“I want my whisper in your ear to make you shiver”
Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Being Too Honest
Editor’s Choice
To Richard, A Dedication. Confession #205
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Erotic Writing and Experiences
Body like a battleaxe
The Fantasy of Infidelity
Hollywood-The Diva Bull Who Hated Condoms
The Making of a Stripper With Benefits
Sex In A Bar Fantasy
Touch
Unbidden Fantasies
Yearning
Your Smug Grin
Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Fetish Interview with Mistress160
Immagini di un convento — Sexually Active Nuns
Top Five Tuesday: Our Favorites of 2008!
Sexual Poetry
When I think of her eyes…
BDSM & Fetish
A day in the life…
Donald D.U.C.K.
Energy Independence
Flip the switch, and make it burn…
His piss slut
Pre-Christmas Adventure
Seaside Vacation Spanking with a Switch
Seven In One Day
Short Sweet Visciousness
NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Merry Christmas
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
But You Don’t LOOK Gay!
Dirty Boy
Interracial Depth
The Perverted Negress: Origins
This is Your Brain, on Masturbation [podcasturbation]
What Does a Big Penis Feel Like to a Woman?
Sometimes, you have to look beyond yourself...
...and see the dance
from a distance of years.
Memory is a funny thing;
it holds on
and creates space for filling.
Looking beyond myself,
what moves me
is the courage I see in Others;
the life lived
and,
the Dance, even if it may be the last,
a gift.
...CLICK ME!
~x~Adam#2 and 1/2.
from a distance of years.
Memory is a funny thing;
it holds on
and creates space for filling.
Looking beyond myself,
what moves me
is the courage I see in Others;
the life lived
and,
the Dance, even if it may be the last,
a gift.
...CLICK ME!
~x~Adam#2 and 1/2.
January 9, 2009
I know...
....how much of a bummer I've been lately.
{note to self: In all future reference to the bad days: Drop the word, "bummer."}
I'm sorry to say, it was inevitable. I try too hard, I know.
I fear explaining myself.
Honesty, impels me to just be myself.
All I can do, as I wander 'round, is hope for understanding.
It's not your problem...
..if I hate myself and where I am and swallow myself up with where I could be and wish that those who claim their love for me, consistently show it by making me feel smaller than they are.
That's the crux of my absence here.
I don't know, anymore, who I am.
I know, I don't like who I've become.
I'm back to that valueless place I was months ago...
...holding on. Wishing, with all my Heart,
I were somewhere
Else.
[I don't know when you'll see another post from me.
The Sugasm will have to do, for a bit. (a poem..a poem. That's all.)
x,adam2*1/2 ~note: "...quiet desperation." is an original, new poem. It is written w/the writer, John Cheever in mind~particularly, his Short Stories of Suburbia, where the main, male characters, are always riding the Train. My Father was a Conductor, on the Long Island Rail Road & a Chief of the Fire Department. The title, is a steal: ..Men, living lives of quiet desperation.
I suppose, in Uncertain Times, we try to explain to Ourselves where we've been. And, yet, as little as we know, we also try to make sense of where the connections lie. Our History is not individual, you see...The Train rolls on and we take from it, hopefully, what is best.
Only, the best of Us, as family.
{note to self: In all future reference to the bad days: Drop the word, "bummer."}
I'm sorry to say, it was inevitable. I try too hard, I know.
I fear explaining myself.
Honesty, impels me to just be myself.
All I can do, as I wander 'round, is hope for understanding.
It's not your problem...
..if I hate myself and where I am and swallow myself up with where I could be and wish that those who claim their love for me, consistently show it by making me feel smaller than they are.
That's the crux of my absence here.
I don't know, anymore, who I am.
I know, I don't like who I've become.
I'm back to that valueless place I was months ago...
...holding on. Wishing, with all my Heart,
I were somewhere
Else.
[I don't know when you'll see another post from me.
The Sugasm will have to do, for a bit. (a poem..a poem. That's all.)
x,adam2*1/2 ~note: "...quiet desperation." is an original, new poem. It is written w/the writer, John Cheever in mind~particularly, his Short Stories of Suburbia, where the main, male characters, are always riding the Train. My Father was a Conductor, on the Long Island Rail Road & a Chief of the Fire Department. The title, is a steal: ..Men, living lives of quiet desperation.
I suppose, in Uncertain Times, we try to explain to Ourselves where we've been. And, yet, as little as we know, we also try to make sense of where the connections lie. Our History is not individual, you see...The Train rolls on and we take from it, hopefully, what is best.
Only, the best of Us, as family.
January 7, 2009
break-
down
9:58AM~pouring rain.
Reconsidering, every little thing, is death.
[They say, it doesn't rain in Hell.
Don't believe it.]
9:58AM~pouring rain.
Reconsidering, every little thing, is death.
[They say, it doesn't rain in Hell.
Don't believe it.]
January 6, 2009
Serious:
At times, I wrestle with myself; not the beating-up, self-lacerating, kind of wrestling you see on Spike. What brings me to sudden silence, and long absences, is the kind of wrestling not written, or viewed. It is for the confessional, the serious-minded, spirit, clinging to a battered boat.
My emotions (lately) are as windswept as the reflective memories of a Katrina survivor. [If the house I live in could be seen as analogous, I'd board up my heart, and apply for disaster relief.]
Each day, each hour, brings another storm.
There is little I can do to change those I love.
My family is in "serious" trouble...
...and, my absence is only temporary.
In order to be here [here, being, this space] I have to calm myself, gird myself, like a strong levee.
There are no rehearsals, or reversals.
**
I don't like how I've been feeling. Even to myself, I'm a burden.
I've scattered myself; blown myself, into the wind.
Like dust, an Urn on the Mantle...crying, crying,...
...flying, away.
Hold on, Son, I imagine him saying to me.
Instead, each day is a contest of Wills...
..a contest I'm sure to lose.
Fin~01/06/09~9:19PM
**
~x~
Jesus Christ! ...and, I thought it was just the Flu!!:
click photo to enlarge. lol!~x~Adam 2-1/2.
o1/06/09.~6:54PM
Okay. Tell me the truth:
Are you as tired of me
as I am?
(good.)
That means it must be time to Change....
Confession: I'm not as in love with myself
as you think.
I'm time weary...still working on it, friends.
~adam#2-1/2.
as I am?
(good.)
That means it must be time to Change....
Confession: I'm not as in love with myself
as you think.
I'm time weary...still working on it, friends.
~adam#2-1/2.
January 4, 2009
SHORTBUSnormal Is Gone!
However, each day, I'll be posting his Videos..Starting from the beginning!
You'll find him in my Profile(wink*)
Love yez,
SinfullyAnon.
ShortbusNormal's FINAL video:
"In Transit"
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